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All the January 5th Feelings, Revelations and Hope

And so begins year three of being a fatherless daughter. It was in this very hour two years ago that I sat, alone, in my bedroom wrapped in my Daddy's cardigan while my mother, sisters and brother were bedside with Dad as he took his final breaths after having his ventilator removed.  On January 5th, 2021, a chasmic hole ripped into my being and I know that missing my father will never end. It's impossible. How could one NOT miss the intuition, the hugs, the constant familial pull he carried over all of us? Or his belly laugh and the way he could tell you all you needed to know about his feelings in the moment by looking in his eyes? One never stops cherishing these blessings. I woke today feeling different than I did last year. Last year, I was still in a grief fog, saddened by a full year without Dad in my physical life. Today? I woke today humming some of his favorite songs - or, if not his favorite, songs that when I hear them, I think of Dad, first and foremost: Lady in Re...
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Riptide

I've always considered myself a strong swimmer - strong enough. I'm never going to win any meets, take home any medals and I certainly won't look elegant while attempting any strokes, but I'm going to stay afloat. I'm more of a fresh water girl - lakes, rivers, streams and, if I must, a pool are my preferred swimming holes. That said, I certainly enjoy the beach, too. However, especially with the beaches I've frequented on the Atlantic, I learned at an early age to respect the ocean water - getting caught up in a riptide or two will teach you some lessons.  The first time I tangled with a riptide, I didn't realize it in the moment. I just remember Mom frantically screaming at me to get back to shore. I didn't understand why she was angry <she wasn't angry - she was freaking out - her kid was sliding out to sea, but didn't realize it>. It took some time and it seemed like I finally washed up miles away <I'm sure it wasn't "mi...

I Wasn't Ready For That...

  Tonight marked my return to the gym for the first time in over a year.  March 10, 2020 was my last logged workout. On March 11, 2020, I watched with the world as craziness unfolded in the sporting world and...Tom Hanks. This pandemic was, evidently, the real deal. On March 12, after clearing out my desk for the critical items I'd need for "2 weeks at home", I ducked into Dick's Sporting Goods and picked up a kettle bell and a couple dumbbells. A couple-week shutdown wasn't going to stop me from maintaining my fitness. I wasn't ready for that quarantine . Two weeks turned into a year plus.  A year plus of curbside pickups, Amazon grocery delivery and virtual school and work. That's not to say we didn't get out and about. We did...but did so by purchasing an RV whereby we could tote around our own potty and beds while able to enjoy nature, biking, hiking and paddle boarding. It turned out to be a good decision, that RV purchase...but I would have trade...

Sloppy and Experimental - a/k/a How I Cope

  I've not written since 2/18/21 and, boy, do I feel it. I mean that literally. My heart hurts, my headaches are fierce. My shoulders and neck are wrought with pressure. There's a high likelihood I'm showing up on zooms looking like this little girl in the photo I've shared...but more to come on her in just a bit. I truly feel better when I write and I know that my body is telling me it's time to release some of this into the interwebs. Life...has just sort of been plodding along. I've done a superior job dodging friends that are reaching out, because, well, I don't know. Why does one dodge a caring outreach? Work keeps on delivering to-do's and action items. That's probably a good thing. The house is certainly waiting on some TLC. My to-do list around this place is mounting. Only last week did all the "Christmas Linens" (tablecloths, napkins, themed hand towels) get properly folded and stowed in their respective cubby. And now, my poor mo...

If I'm Being Honest

I could probably make quite a long list of the various ways in which I continue to struggle with Dad's death. However, I think that because Covid-19 is just so...well...out there, publicized, talked about and lord, politicized, it simply adds to and complicates my grief on a regular basis. It's as if there is a stigma placed on my grief because of the circumstance and cause of death.  This is something I try to reckon with, find peace with, not get emotional about, but, y'all? It's hard. It's real hard. And some of what I'm going to share is ugly. My preference is to stay light hearted when possible, but these thoughts have been weighing heavy on me. Real heavy.  Examples:  Certain Facebook "Friends"  I have Covid deniers in my "friend" group on Facebook. I'm going to classify a Covid denier as one who posts mocking memes about efforts to promote social distancing and mask wearing, those who rant and rave about anything resembling a sligh...

Grieving at a Distance

Who would have called first? I wondered last week, when we received about 4 inches of snow - a fair amount for us living in the Richmond, VA area. And I wondered again this morning, a week later, when I woke to more of the white stuff plopping down. Plopping is a much more apt word, than 'drifting' or 'sprinkling' or whatever word you might imagine is more poetic. Today's snow is just 'meh'. All details I would I have shared with the rapt audience of Dad, who, now that I think of it probably would have called first.  He had a habit of watching the weather patterns of all his kids' whereabouts. Whether they be our permanent residents or our favorite vacation destinations. And if something interesting was in the mix in said locale, Dale would be in the know and ready to report. I also find it interesting that though I live not 20 minutes from one sister, he would make it a point to check in on both of us: maybe our weather experience would be different? In...

On Gasps: A Reflection in Three Parts

Catching my breath is tough right now. And I mean that physically, not figuratively, however I suppose it can cut both ways seeing as I feel so far behind at both work and home.  But physically, breathing is just a challenge. A good, full deep breath is a rare occurrence in these first few weeks following Dad's passing. I wonder why that is? Shouldn't I be exhausted and ready to crash (and therefore wake up refreshed)? Shouldn't I feel peace and closure following the funeral? Shouldn't I...? Guys, these are rhetorical questions, by the way. I know the answers. I just still feel the need to ask myself.  Now, it's not like my everyday breathing is erratic or anxious either, it's just this odd pattern of almost unsatisfying half-breaths - enough to keep the oxygen flowing, but not enough to give my lungs a good rich hug - a feeling that I typically find so satisfying. No, to get THAT feeling to my lungs, I have to force a tear inducing gasp like yawn. And when I do...